why didn't you poke me back
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
