would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize