Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
