i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
