Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
