Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
