I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
