i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
