$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize