the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
