just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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