do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
