I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
