If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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