sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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