Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize