Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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