Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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