remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
