hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
