she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
