you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
