I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
