dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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