Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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