I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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