I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
