Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
