I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
