i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
