So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
