i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
