dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
