We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
