took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
