they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
