Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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