Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize