woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
