Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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