please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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