I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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