No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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