The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
