thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
