Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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