All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
