i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize