Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
