Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize