i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
