He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
