Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize