He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
