If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize