Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
