Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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