Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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