two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
