Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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