Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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