Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
