I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
