I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
