i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
