Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
