FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
