I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
