i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
