i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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