Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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