Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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