i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize