So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
