if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
