Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
