too bad you live with your parents still
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
