a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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