Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
