Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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