I wanna bring you to show and tell
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
