Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The beer is more important than you right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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