I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
